Are you all right?  Should I call the doctor? asked the Vorticon.

No I’m all right.  I’m just sick of everyone calling me Captain.  Will you transmit all the results of the McMire searches and every information about McMire known in the Ship Computer into the outlet DKJLGKJ-1?  Wait.  Contact the Vorticon Government and tell them to send all information about Mortimer McMire in their reach and once you receive it, transmit it to the outlet.

Yes Cap…, er Commander.  I shall begin immediately.  Keen then connects his

X-345612345 Computer to the DKJLDKJ-1 outlet

Two minutes later the information was transmitted into Keen’s computer.  Keen said  Computer, process all data and search for Mortimer’s base.

Commander, there are over 50 trillion Mortimer’s                                               

Mortimer McMire.  McMire.  Okay?

Search beginning...

The computer then processes a lot of numbers that show on the screen.  The numbers seemed to fade, but Keen knew this was because the numbers were moving so fast that it was to fast for the human eye.  Suddenly, it all stopped.

Search for Mortimer McMire’s Base successful.  His base is at Kakawa III, in the L2 galaxy.

Keen contacts the Captain.  Set course for Kakawa III.  No first contact the CIA and pick up a member.

How could you have found—

Lets just say my computer is amazing, okay?  Now set course for earth and then Kakawa III.

 

Chapter 2

Attack.

 

This was about the first attack by Keen where Mortimer was... really there and not just a hologram.  This was also the first attack that Mortimer did not expect.  At that time he was sipping a cup of coffee and then suddenly...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the… Mortimer cried out.  He contacted the Shikadi Commander.

Master Gannalech, a Vorticon fleet just fired a hole through the roof of our base.  Vorticon troops and droids are invading.

What???  How could the Vorticons have found our base?!?!

Suddenly, McMire heard some screams not to far away.  The Vorticons were obviously overpowering the Shikadi.  No time. 

Commander, evacuate the base.  I’m going to my personal ship.

 

The invasion was proceeding.  Commander Keen went down as leader.  He saw some Robo Reds and they were firing lasers and grenades at the troops.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, one of Keen’s droids fired a Super Vorticon Frier and blew up the Robo Red.  Keen shot another Robo Red.  Robo Reds were getting knocked down.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! The Vorticons blew another hole in the base.  Keen ran past the Robo Reds and saw lots of Shikadi firing at him.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Keen Shouts as he runs from the energy blasts.  Suddenly, Snake Logan, the famous CIA representative who killed Master Cain, came with courage and shot down some Shikadi.  By now, nearly all the Robo Reds were blown up, and the Shikadi were being fired at.  A lot of them fled.

Keen ran forward and followed some Shikadi into a little room.  Suddenly, the Shikadi turned around and started shooting at him.  However, Keen does some surprise manuvers on the floor and at the same time shoots all the Shikadi dead.  He steps out of the room and hears a voice.

HA ha ha ha.  So this is the famed Captain Keen.  Keen looks up and sees a Shikadi Master.  Ha ha ha ha, well you’re never gonna kill me because I’m immortal, like all the other Shikadi Masters. Ha ha ha ha.  Then the Shikadi Master tosses some Electrospheres at Keen, but he manages to dodge them.

Oh yeah? Keen says.  Well think about THIS!

ZAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP                       

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the Shikadi Master shouted.  Keen had just fired an Energy Drainer at the Shikadi Master.  Shikadi Masters may be invincible, but they can’t do anything when they have no energy.  So the master fell to the ground, helpless.

By now the army had just defeated the last of the remaining Shikadi that was behind the Robo Reds.  There were some casualties but those were transported back up to the fleet where the doctors were working on them and the rest were in good shape.

CHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGEEEEE!!!!!!!! Keen shouted.  All the Vorticons ran and ran and ran.  Suddenly, they saw the sign Defence Tunnel N2".  They kept going and saw lots of Shikadi running, but there were also some Robo Greens headed toward them from nearby tunnels.

Robo Greens were newly designed Robo Blues, they were armed with Grenade Launchers and Machine Guns.  The Vorticon Army was ready.

FIREEEE!!! Keen said.  The Robo Greens suddenly shot some grenades at the army.  BOOOM!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah? fire!

Lots of Keen’s robots came to the front and shot a lot of Robo Greens down.  Keen and Snake came to the front and shot Super Vorticon Friers at blew up Robo Greens.  Suddenly, more Robo Greens came.  And they were suddenly shot from behind.

From Behind? Keen thought out loud.

But that was a mistake.  A Robo Green saw him and shot a machine gun at Keen.

AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keen shouted.  He was lucky.  Most of the bullets hit his protective armours, and only one bullet got through.  That was in his hand.  A Robo Green was about to fire a Grenade Launcher at him when suddenly all of them got eradicated from behind.

From Behind, Keen thought again.

Suddenly, some Vorticons came out of a tunnel.  One of the Vorticons stepped forward.

I am Major Hot of the Second Vorticon Army, he said.

Well, while you’re here our 2 armies can join forces, Keen said.

Sir, Hot said, shouldn’t you go back to the ship to treat your injury?  This type will only take a few minutes to heal.

No, that’s all right.  I feel fine.

Perimeter Alert.  Perimeter Alert.  It was one of the robots.  Shikadi Solders Approaching.

Keen looked around.  He saw lots of Shikadi Masters, and behind them were even more Shikadi.  There were also Robo Reds, Robo Blues, and Robo Greens with them, plus Sparkys, Little Amptons, Spherefulls, Volte-Faces, etc.  They started firing at the army.  Keen’s army fired back.

BOMDOJHGFHLISJIFHOJDOIHJDILJJDOISOIHOFDJOHFOHD, the different weapons made sounds of confusion as they were all fired at the same time.

Keen saw that the Vorticon Army was losing.  RETREAT!  The army retreated back.  But the Shikadi’s army must have thought one of them said it.  So they retreated too.

Keen saw that and his chance.  Stupid Shikadi, he muttered.  CHARGE!!!  FIRE!!!  The Vorticon Army then shot the Shikadi and since the Shikadi weren’t firing and weren’t ready, they sustained massive casualties in that one second.

But they recovered, and shot back. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said some of the unexpected Vorticons.  Keen suddenly went back to the front and shot a machine gun at the Shikadi.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

The Vorticons shot 4 more holes into the base and were undoubtedly sending more Armies into them.  Keen fired for about 10 more minutes.  Suddenly, the Shikadi Army was totally eradicated from behind.  A Vorticon Army came out.

Captain Keen, I am General Sunando.  I would like to inform you that all the Shikadi defences in this base have been penetrated by at least one of the 4 other armies.

Good, although that’s COMMANDER Keen, Keen replied.

Suddenly, Electrospheres appeared and slid toward the group.

DUCK!!! Keen shouted.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said the Vorticons who were consumed by the Electrospheres.  Most of them sustained minor injuries.

Keen looked up.  Over 100 Shikadi Masters were on a railing near the roof above them.

So, this is the famed Commander Keen.  What a puny army for such a smart guy, said a Shikadi Master.

General Sunando pressed a button on his watch and shouted RUN!!!

What the… a Shikadi Master said.  They tossed Electrospheres at the running Vorticons but most of them missed.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..., said Sunando’s watch.  And then suddenly:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Whew.  We’re safe from the damage, Sunando said.

Now what was THAT all about? Keen said.

You see, that button instructed the Vorticon ship to fire at the location I was on.  It gave us 10 seconds to try to escape.

General, General, said his communicator suddenly.

Yes?

General, we just eradicated or imprisoned all the Shikadi and their companions.

Whoo.  That’s good to hear.  Get an investigation team down here and tell them to search everything to find out any information.

General, Keen said.  I would like to stay on the base.  Perhaps I can deduce more information than the other Vorticons could.

Negative.  You need medical treatment, what’s that on your hand, and at least 5 hours sleep after what you been through.  That’s an order.

So the investigators went down and the armies went back to the ships.

 

Chapter 3

Persuit!

 

Man, the General was right.  I am so tired after the war.  I gotta get some sleep, Keen said.  He got into his pajamas and prepared to shut the window to space but before he did, he looked out the window.

Now what’s that?  HEY, THAT’S MORTIMER’S PERSONAL SHIP!!!  Commander Keen to bridge.  Mortimer’s off the port bow.

Now how could that be, said a voice.  We’re in space!

No, I meant Mortimer’s ship is off the port bow.  Capture him and if you can’t, destroy his ship!

Keen felt some acceleration as the ship fired it’s thrusters and moved towards Mortimer.  He accelerated to light speed.  Suddenly, Mortimer engaged Faster Than Light, and sped away from the Vorticons, since they did not anticipate it.  They must not have thought a ship that small had Faster Than Light capabilities.

Well, so much for that, Keen muttered.

 

Chapter 4

The Results

 

Keen was in the 65^th  laboratory of Mortimer’s former base on Kawaka III, searching for the computer memories to try to find out how Mortimer was planning to destroy the Universe.

Nope, not there, Keen said as he searched through directory ZZZ-928.  A lot of the data had been erased and so the last two days of searching wasn’t very mush good for the Vorticon Searchers and Keen.

Man, Keen complained.  That was the last directory in the last computer in the last laboratory.  Keen had only found 15 directories that had any data in them.  A Vorticon came through the door.

Any luck yet?  He didn’t sound very enthusiastic.

Nope, Keen said.  I now have finished the laboratories.

Well, the other searchers have completed their tasks.  There’s nothing left to do.  We are taking all the data back up to the Vorticon Mothership to analyse and see if we can come up with a conclusion.

Yep. Keen said as he left for the teleporter that would take him back to his ship.

By the way, the Vorticon shouted after him, I’m told your computer is very amazing.  It figured out the location of this base.

Yep It’s very complex, Keen shouted back as he left.

 

At night, Keen thought about the infinite possibilities of the Universe.  Thought about how Mortimer could possibly destroy the Universe.  Heck, everyone knows the Universe is of infinite size.  Now how do you destroy something of infinite size?  Well, some people said that matter is never lost.  Well, if anti-matter was administered, then they would ahilihate each other, and matter would be lost.  But there wasn’t an anti-universe.  Nor was matter infinite sized.  As Keen thought this, something was nagging the back of his head.  A thought that might solve the puzzle.  Keen became very come, trying to think it.  The calmness might as well be the difference between the destruction and victory.  He couldn’t think of it and fell asleep.

Keen had an amazing dream.  He dreamed about what he did, just 2 days before.  He dreamed about making the last modification on his computer, then the last screw, but this time, a thought was nagging the back of his head.  It was the same thought as before he fell asleep.  Then he dreamed about using the computer to find Mortimer’s base.  Using the Computer.  Using the Computer.  Then there was a flash of light.

Keen woke up suddenly.  This was like a nightmare, but it wasn’t scary.

ENIGMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s it.  Using the computer.  How stupid I was to forget.  The computer could analyse the different ways of how to destroy the Universe!!!

Keen rushed to his workshop. 

What’s with you? said a Vorticon he passed in the hallway.  Why are you up?  It’s the middle of the night!  But because he was very exited, Keen just rushed by him.

Keen came to the computer and turned on.  Man, he was tired after all that running.  He sat down on a chair and turned on the computer.

Computer, analyse any possible way to destroy the Universe

But before he could finish, he saw bolts of electricity on the Keyboard.

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the computer exploded.  It through tons of smoke and fire into the air.  Keen was caught in it but fortunately he rolled out of the smoke and ashes of the explosion.

 

Two Days Later...

 

Okay, you’re cured at last and can go, said the Vorticon doctor as he slapped Keen in the back.  Keen had suffered minor injuries from the explosion and it took two days to heal.  Now he was supposed to meet with the commanding Vorticon officers in the Mothership to discuss the results and what to do next.  Keen stepped into the shuttlecraft and an airlock door closed behind him.  He sat on a chair and fastened his seat belt.  Then he told the computer to pilot off.  Yes, told.  This was one of the new types of shuttles with autopilot, and Keen was the only person in the shuttle.

The shuttle launched from the bay and went into the mothership’s dock.  Keen stepped out and went into a hallway.  He entered the conference room.  Everyone else was already in their seats.

Well, Commander Keen, said one of the officers.  Please.  Take a seat.  Keen sat down on an empty chair.

Well, now we can begin.  What is your report, Admiral?

The admiral of the fleet stood up and said There is nothing of interest.  We have found some designs for robots but even this ship has better robots.

And I hear your accident prevented you from finding out how to destroy the Universe, Commander Keen?

Yes, Keen replied.

Well then, we shall stand down from red alert to yellow alert and separate the fleet.  We shall regroup if anything vital is discovered.

No one had any objection.

Oh, and by the way General, Commander Keen.

Yes?

Nobody thought this was interesting enough to take notice of but I thought...

That’s okay, the General said.  What is it?

Well, this is one of the translations from a note found in a room on the base...

He showed it to Keen and the General.

 

To Master Gannalech:

 

Our plan is complete. 

Everything has been built according to your design.

The destruction is imminent.

 

The Universe is Toast.

 

(Signed)

Shikadi Master General Galatimo

 

Part II: The Great Search: How?

 

Chapter 5

Start of the Search

 

The destruction of Mortimer’s base was now a month past.  Every government the Vorticons could trust had been told to figure out a way to destroy the Universe.  The Oracle of Gositelies IV was useless because one of the Gosalinies were sick (their immortal but their immortality isn’t perfect), so it couldn’t be activated.  And no answer was found yet.

Keen couldn’t believe that, if Mortimer was serious and this wasn’t just a decoy ploy, one IQ test score, 314 to 315, would be the difference between knowing how and not knowing how to destroy the Universe.  Keen just couldn’t believe it.

Keen then remembered the bombs that Keen had disabled which Mortimer claimed could destroy the Universe.  They were all duds of course but then... Keen thought, they all had a computer... so there might be some information accessible in them.  Keen sighed.  If there was any information in any of them Mortimer was smart enough to erase them.

He had to contact the scientists on earth to see if they could come up with a way.

Of course, Keen knew that some of the alien scientists working on it were much smarter than any earthling could be, except for him and Mortimer McMire.  But that might be the difference between saving and destruction.  He contacted them...

 

Chapter 6

The Scientists

 

Keen was led into a large conference room in a CIA building.  This was where some D@#& secretary arranged for Keen to talk to the scientists.  Keen was very angry, because he knew much better places that cost much less.  But, oh well.  Keen walked up to the microphone.  It was a very short speech.

 

This is TOP SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL, but if anyone of you know a way to destroy the Universe, then announce it to me by my top secret telephone number.

 

Keen stepped down, and sat through some boring speeches by lots of other guys.  Well they basically said that Mortimer McMire, Commander Keen, the fact that Aliens exist, was strictly confidential and top secret, a lab was ready for them on one of the moons of Vorticon VI, and the rest was worth nothing.

After the 2 hours of boring speeches were finished (and to know that they could have said everything in 10 seconds, like I did) the scientists started talking to each other.  After a few minutes, a scientist raised his hand.

I believe that nobody has come up with a way to destroy the universe! he said.

After a few more similar answers, the scientists left for their rocket that was taking them to the Vorticon moon.

 

Chapter 7

The Beginning Hints

 

Keen stepped down from the Commander’s Chair in his Vorticon Ship.  He wondered what his computer was going to say before it exploded.  Then, he thought, I must go to bed.  It had been a hard day.  Commander Keen’s and 3 other Vorticon ships had been searching the Late Fetojaka Cluster for Mortimer’s base, due to a rumour that it was in one of the planets.  As it turned out, after 7 hours of tiring searching, a bomb capable of destroying the entire cluster detonated.  Fortunately, the cluster was Uninhabited and the ships barely got out in time.  He hadn’t had his dinner yet but then what’s the point of having dinner if you don’t have the energy to chew and swallow.  So Keen went back to his room.  He was sitting on his chair when suddenly the room’s communicator beeped.

Captain Keen.

Yes, and that’s Commander Keen.

It’s Snake.  I would like you to join me for dinner.

Well, Keen thought, he was tired, but nothing helps a bad night like good food and company.  Yes.  That’s what he needed.  Company.

I would like to discuss strategies, Snake said.

Snake had been invited on the mission to find Mortimer’s base just now.  Okay, Keen said.

 What I meant about strategies, Snake Logan said, is that it would be dangerous to continue expeditions when a bomb just might explode.  And so we should plot three separate courses to safe places, and have the computer get ready for hyperspace.  Snake was talking to a sleepy Keen, who just drank some good Vitamin juice and ate a main course.  A Vorticon Robot came and served some dessert.  So we also have to 

Suddenly, a Shikadi Master suddenly appeared near Keen and McMire!

What the!  Keen jumps up and points his Energy Drainer at the Master, but the Shikadi Master suddenly took his Energy Drainer.

Now look Keen, Snake, the Shikadi Master said, I’m coming in peace, not war.  You see, just today, when I was just about to be promoted to General... I mean, I was 1 inch away from being promoted, and I worked nearly 2 years to get that one promotion, Mortimer McMire suddenly came and demoted me to Major.  I mean, that was the blow of a lifetime!  So I’m angry with Mortimer for the time being.  So I’ll help you, although I won’t join you.  First, I broke this rule of not teleporting here.  Mortimer McMire always insists on fair play, and that’s why this rule even exists!  Well, here’s how I’ll help you.  You see, if I tell you the location of his new base, then he’ll know when you attack and demote me all the way down to Recruit, which is worse than even some of the robots you fought with in Level 1: Ion Ventilation Center of the Omegamatic, in the Episode Goodbye Galaxy.  They’re actually Privates.  Well, I guess you don’t know how to destroy the Universe yet, and as long as you don’t know, it won’t matter how many of Mortimer’s bases you find.  So I’ll help you in that.  This is, after all, my Universe, and unlike some other Shikadi, I’m not very glad to lose it.  Heck, I want to see how many hints it would take someone with an IQ Test score of 314 to figure it out.  He pointed to Keen.  As a start...  There is a way to destroy the Universe, Keen, no matter if you can’t figure it out in your lifetime.  There is at least one, but this one is all that Mortimer told us to execute.

Which is... Keen said.

I can’t tell you, the Shikadi Master said.  Well I can, actually, but you see I want to test you, see if you can figure it out in time.  In time, that is, to save the Universe.  So you have to think fast.

Well, how are we gonna figure it out with only one hint saying, there is a way?

Oh, sorry.  I forgot that that wasn’t enough hints!  Well, here’s my second hint.  Everything Mortimer ever told you about destroying the Universe, was not a lie.  Remember he said that the bomb is not in this Universe?  Well it’s not.  And guess what?  It can destroy the Universe right where it is.  It doesn’t have to have any multi-dimensional capabilities to do that.  Nor is it near a black hole, worm hole, or anything that can lead to this Universe.  No no no, in case you’re thinking of that.  When I say not near, you think I mean not near by the point of view of a microbe huh?  Well, actually, it’s over say, billions of billions of googols of googols of a googol times a googol to the power of two googols amount of light years away from the nearest one of those.  You understand that a googol is one 1, and then a hundred 0s following it, don’t you?  Oh yeah, I forgot, you’re the second smartest person in the Universe, so why wouldn’t you know?  Also, the bomb does not have the capability of reaching the nearest black or worm hole.  Nor is there anything else in the vicinity besides, say, a few planets, and a star system.  Oh.  Sorry I can’t give you any more hints now but it’s almost time for my working shift.  I’ll see if I can get a fast promotion.  Bye!

Then the Shikadi Master disappeared.

Hmmm, Snake said.  Wasn’t that peculiar?

Keen replied.  Those hints weren’t anything useful, but we now have to begin a search of the bomb outside our Universe.  Robot.  But first assemble the senior officers of the fleets as well as the Vorticon Government and their guest scientists.  Tell them to either go to the conference room, or have their communications holograms in the Conference room.  Make it so.

YES SIR, the Robot replied.  It sped off.

Snake, I would like you at the Conference room too.  Meet me in 2 hours.

 

Chapter 8

Second Conference

 

All that could be of any importance was listening to Keen.  And so the Shikadi Master told me that the bomb was very far away from anything that could possibly carry the explosion to our dimension, and that the bomb did not have that much range.  I would like all factions to conduct a search of what and where this bomb is and how it can destroy the Universe.  Dismissed.  It sure was a short conference, Keen thought, although of great importance.

Keen sat down.  Although the conference was long, in a way.  He had just announced this to the Galatose Government.  It was actually 3 days after the meeting with the Shikadi Master, and he had announced this to over 70 different species so far.  Keen wondered what was keeping the Master.  His shift should be over by now, heck, it was 3 DAYS.  Maybe he was a fraud after all.  But maybe the Shikadi don’t operate under the same length of time.

The Shikadi Master then appeared again.

Well hello, Keen.  IT’s been a long time since we were together aren’t we, well, guess what?  Mortimer’s gonna complete his final arrangements for the Universe to be destroyed tomorrow.  And I’m lucky.  Due to my past experiences, I knew just how to get promoted again.  I made it almost halfway up from Major to Colonel.  I hope to make it to Colonel on my next shift.  Then, hello General after about 3 more shifts.  I haven’t forgiven Mortimer yet, though, so don’t worry.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you.  You are right if you think that the Shikadi don’t operate under the same lengths of time as humans do.  I’m free from my 3 day shift for the next 10 days.  Oh well, I see you’ve contacted all your partners to search for the, er bomb, and told them my hints.  A wise procedure Keen, always.  And oh yeah, I forgot to give your Energy Drainer back from last time.  Sorry about that.  One of my friends got suspicious.  Thought I was gonna take over the Shikadi Empire.  How dumb of him.  ONE Energy Drainer?  Please.  Oh, I’m sorry.  I guess I got carried away.  For your next hint.  Are you writing these down?  The third hint is that the bomb is capable of exploding, say 10 million miles, give or take a thousand miles or two.

Keen’s face was like one of someone who was listing to something unbelievable.  Suddenly, he exploded (in a sense).  WHAT THE D!^&  F@#$%&*  W@#$%&* {BEEP} {BEEP} IS WHAT YOUR {BEEP} SAYING IS THE D!^& TRUTH AND THE {BEEP}LY D!^& THING IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING A BOMB CAPABLE OF DESTROYING 2 MILLION MILES IS CAPABLE OF DESTROYING THE UNIVERSE YOU {BEEP} LIAR!!!

No no no, the Shikadi Master replied.  Even though it’s unbelievable, I’m not lying.  If you ever find out I’m lying, you can shoot me with that Energy Drainer and leave me lying in a rotten filthy place for Eternity!  Besides, what if the unbelievable is true?  Well, I know it is, but it’s not true in your case.  I’m your best lead.  You gotta at least listen to the rest of my hints.

Well, okay, Keen said.  I’m sorry.

Oh that’s all right.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I had an IQ of 200.Well now for my next hint, the Bomb occupies the same space as our Universe, even though it’s not in it.

Do you mean in hyperspace?

Yes, although I don’t think you’re thinking the same thing as I am.  And my last hint for today.  The Universe can be saved using your engines.

My ship’s engines?

Yes.  Both your Bean with Bacon Megarocket, and your Vorticon ship.

Okay, thanks.  I’d like time to think about it.

But Keen could not come up with a solution, despite the Shikadi Master’s hints.  Could you come up with one right now?

Keen thought about what he thought to himself, when this mystery began.  Mortimer would have to live forever to destroy something of infinite size.  But even then it was still impossible because, even though both Eternity and Infinity are infinite (the same size in theory) you will always have more infinity to destroy.  Of course, you can destroy that infinity with more Eternity, but there will always be more.  Then Keen thought about the Shikadi Master’s hints.  The bomb was not capable of exploding the Universe, but it was capable of destroying it.  Disrupting it.  Keen suddenly saw a flash in his head as he realized the answer, but it slipped away.  Then he remembered when he got the answer.  Disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it disrupting it.  Keen kept thinking but he no longer saw an answer.  Then he realized a possibility.  It wasn’t the same as the answer Keen had, he was sure of that, and it went opposing to everything the Shikadi Master told him.  But it was an answer.  Keen wrote it down to make sure he wouldn’t forget and went back to bed.  His answer was right only if the Shikadi Master was lying... but unless it was right, or unless it was wrong but Keen couldn’t think of any more...

The Universe is Toast.

 

Chapter 9

How to Destroy the Universe

 

Sure enough, the Shikadi Master was with Keen the next day.  Keen was waking up when he thought he saw a presence in the table.  The figure waved.

Well Good Morning, Cap   er, Commander Keen.  It was the Shikadi Master.  I hope your night was thoughtful yet restful.  For today is the day that Mortimer destroys the Universe.

Well good morning, Keen replied.  I gotta have a little breakfast could you talk to me in my personal dining room?

Well that’s okay with me.

 

The robot poured some orange juice in the cup and milk in the Sugar Stoopies Cereal.  The Shikadi Master tried it.

Hmmmmmm, your food is peculiar.  My only need is energy, you see, but I’ve always wanted to try the food of other species.

I’m glad you enjoy it, Keen replied.

The Shikadi master tried some more Sugar Stoopies cereal, then drank some orange juice.  Well now, we must be getting to business.  Have you any solutions to how the Universe is going to be destroyed?

One, Keen replied, but it goes against everything you said.

Oh, then I think I know what it is. Ahem.  Well when Mortimer said he was going to destroy the Universe, he didn’t mean destroying all space-time.  He just meant destroying all the GALAXIES in the Universe.  After all, what’s the point of a Universe with empty space?  Is that it?

Yes, Keen said amazingly.

Well it’s too bad that’s incorrect.  You see, everything I told you was the truth, and this goes against it.  Have you any more possibilities?

Keen shook his head.

Well, then, I got some hints that should give away something, but that’s okay right now, considering all we’ve been together.  The Shikadi Master then pointed at one of the dining room view screens.  It was turned off, of course.

That, the Shikadi Master said, is what 1882 AD. looks like in the other space-time, not long from now, when Mortimer McMire destroys the Universe.

That???, Keen replied pointing toward the empty viewscreen.  Since it was turned off, it was pitch black.

Yes, the Shikadi Master replied.  And that is also what it looks like in year 3000 AD. and 65 millions years ago, and 15 billion years ago.  Now what does that remind you of?

Keen looked carefully.  Empty space.  It just means Mortimer destroyed it in the past so that I won’t catch him tinkering in the present.

No no no!!! the Shikadi master said.  The past is essential.  Mortimer couldn’t destroy the Universe not this way anyway without doing it in the past.

I see where you’re getting at.  Let me see what it’s like 1 hour after the big bang.

The Shikadi Master pointed at the viewscreen.

Let me see the big bang.

The Shikadi Master pointed at the viewscreen again.

So you’re saying...  That Mortimer McMire somehow disrupted the big bang, and so prevented space-time from existing... and in effect..............Destroyed the Universe.

The Shikadi Master look at him, and smiled.  Congratulations, he said.  Then he continued eating his cereal, leaving Keen to his thoughts.

 

Part III: Saving the Universe

 

Chapter 10

The End of the Search

 

Keen shook hands with the Shikadi Master who helped him find the answer.  Thanks for helping me. Keen said.

My pleasure.

But now, we have to figure out ways of how Mortimer might have disrupted the big bang, so that we can stop him.

Ohhhhhh.  I’ll give you a hint.  Space-Time existed before the big bang.

What?  You mean an artificial space-time barrier?  No wonder.  To disrupt the big bang, Mortimer would have to be inside time.  How big is it?

Say, 2 billion miles in diameter.  Don’t you have a program which creates space-time?

Well, yes.  In my BwB Megarocket I got one.  But its maximum length is 15 metres.  Mortimer’s got one 2 billion miles!

Well, so Keen, how does he destroy the Universe?

Keen thought for a moment.  That’s right!  He uses a bomb to disrupt whatever causes the Big Bang.  It only needs to explode like a million or 2 million miles to do that!  That’s why the bomb doesn’t have to be powerful!

Very good.  Your powers of deduction are through.  Now, to save the Universe 

Disable the bomb, Keen interrupted.  How could we?

Well, the bomb has a 1008 digit combination, but I think I know a much easi…

Nonsense.  I can construct a computer that can process all 1008 digits, or everything on the keyboard.  Take one of the Vorticon shuttles capable of making space-time and take it out of our Universe.  Have some Vorticons guards with you, in case you need backup.  Then, if I fail, you’re the only hope for the Universe.  Keen took some paper from a drawer, then scribbled some things in a box that said commands in Standard Galactic Alphabet and signed his name in a box that said signature in SGA.  Ask for the Vorticon Captain, and give him this.  Keen left for his workshop to construct his new computer.  It was 8 hours until McMire planned to destroy the Universe.

 

Chapter 10

Out of this Universe!

 

Are you ready? Commander Keen said to Snake Logan, who was on the back.  It was now 5 hours before the destruction of the Universe.  They had basically stacked Keen’s Time Machine on the bottom of his BwB Megarocket and attached the circuits and expanded the range of the Temporal Vortex so that, if Keen’s calculations were correct, both the BwB Megarocket and the Time Machine would go through the Temporal Vortex and come out in Mortimer’s artificial space-time.

Yes, Snake replied.

7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Blast Off!  The ship launched off Keen’s workshop/clubhouse in the suburbs.  He engaged his cloaking device and the ships became invisible.  He was 1 foot above his clubhouse.  That was enough.  Prepare to engage Temporal Vortex in 7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Now!  A vortex similar to that in the movie Sliders, although much larger, appeared in front of Keen.  There was a force field in its barrier that only Keen’s ship could pass through.  If he did not do that then all of earth’s oxygen would get sucked into the vacuum on the other side.  The ship went through it, and the Vortex closed.  Keen’s window showed a beautiful sight.  He had landed in the vicinity of an artificial planet, and since it was carefully planned and used, it was more beautiful than any other planet he had ever encountered.  Keen got his mind off that and scanned for the bomb.

 

Chapter 11

Resistance

 

Keen’s scan showed the bomb to be about 1 billion miles away.  But it also showed that a bunch of ships were heading toward him.  There were also ships coming from a neighbouring planet.  Those ships were detected to be sleek and fast, have a lot of laser and missile emitters protruding from them.  Keen said:  Computer.  Enable Shield.  Prepare Tantalus, Stellar, and regular Laser Rays.  Prepare missiles.

At the same time, Keen set a course for the bomb at 6 times the speed of light.  About 15 minutes to get there.  Keen didn’t want to risk going so fast in this narrow piece of space-time that he might fall off at the ends of the earth.  At the inhabitable places anyway.  The ships were approaching.  His computer said that a very large portion in these ships necessary for life support in normal of the ships were replaced cargo for weapons so it was undoubtedly that these were controlled by a robot.

The ships fired at the BwB Megarocket.  First deflector shield is holding.  Keen locked on and fired back; a Tantalus ray at 15% power.  A fleet of enemy ships blew up.

By now, it was impossible to try to hit Keen with lasers if you were behind him, since Keen was travelling at 6 times the speed of light.  The robots were in Pursuit, at 11 times the speed of light.  Keen increased to 12 times the speed of light.  They fired some missiles at 100 times the speed of light.  Keen managed to dodge most of them, but one of them hit Keen.  Now a explosive fired at 100 times the speed of light, even when you’re going at 12 times the speed of light, is fatal.  Keen lost his fifth, fourth, and third deflector shield and he sustained moderate damage on his second deflector shield.  Why you... he muttered.  He shot a Nuclear Missile at 200 times the sped of light back toward the fleet.  BOOM!  His sensors indicated over 8000 ships destroyed. 

Keen smiled.  That was nearly half of the 20,000 detected ships pursuing him.  He had destroyed about 2000 back then.  That means 10,000 down, 10,000 to go.  Keen fired a Tantalus Ray; 100% discharge at the fleet.  BOOM!  Another 6000 down. 

Keen then thought about using his Stellar ray.  That was a beam capable of destroying a city; normally, but the particles could go over 400 times faster than light, which would be destructive.  Keen smiled and fired.  BOOM!  The other 4000 were destroyed.

His sensors told him he was in range now.  He slowed to normal speed, and saw THE BOMB.  The Bomb, that decided the fate of the Universe. 

And he must prove that fate positive.

 

Chapter 12

The Bomb

 

The Bomb was not large.  Heck, the QED for destroying the Galaxy was only about say 6 metres tall.  Now this bomb was cube shaped.  Keen scanned it a perfect cube 10 metres in length.  He still had over 4 hours left.  The computer he brought with him could process the codes in less than 4 minutes.  Keen begun scanning it.  That was when he got to the timer.

 

0000:06:19

 

What the… Keen said.  The moment he said that the 19 became 18 and then 17.

Mortimer must have reset the timer at a very few minutes when he saw him coming in his time machine!  He had no choice.  He quickly plugged in his computer to the outlet that said Codes.  He pressed Start and the computer started processing.  Suddenly, after 4 minutes, the computer said All possibilities Eliminated. 

Keen was very angry.  What others could there be, he said frantically.  What’s Wrong?  Why is this happening?

The Timer said:

 

0000:02:02

 

Suddenly, Mortimer McMire appeared on his viewscreen.  Well, he said.  I did not expect you would find out how to destroy the Universe, but I’m not all stupid either.  You see, I built in a defence system I never told anyone about.  Instead of 1008 digits, you are now facing over 9 trillion googols of digits.  And, in case you’re wondering, this bomb is indestructible by any method.  In short, the Universe is ruined.  And there’s nothing you can do about it.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha sniff sniff achoo!

Then the figure on the screen disappeared.

Time seemed to pass so fast for Keen.  There were only 15 seconds left.

Then Keen realized an answer.  The Shikadi taught him it.  Was it too late?

Too late or not, he had to try.

 

0000:00:12

 

Keen stepped into his BwB Megarocket.  He saw the silent Snake Logan, then threw his computer overboard.  He shut the window.  He realized he just was breathing in space, no time to process why now.  He had to save the Universe!

Keen Engaged the BwB Megarocket, he created an artificial space-time barrier with his program.  Then he plotted a course (7 seconds left) and fired his engines at Ultimate speeds.  Soon he reached more than 40,000 times the speed of light.  He was running in circles around this 2 billion mile Universe.  Then he deactivated his anti-bending program, which prevented the bending of space time.  The speed he was travelling at bended the space-time continuum.  Time began to go on one side, and space began to go on the other.  Soon space and time were separated.

There was no time for the bomb to explode now.

The Universe was safe.

Keen did not freeze because of his small artificial space-time continuum.  He got within 100 metres of the bomb and set his telescope.  The timer read:

 

0000:00:01

 

The Big Bang was only a few hours away, according to this space time.  He would spend that time studying this base, and making sure no one comes to try and destroy the Universe.

The Universe Bread had been snatched away from the Toaster only one micromillimeter away from the entrance.

 

Chapter 14

Conclusion

 

Keen was about to leave in the Temporal Vortex taking him back to his time.  He took one last look at the bomb and the planets... and the system that Mortimer created, which was about to be consumed in the Big Bang in say, 7 seconds.  Then he piloted through.  The Vortex closed just 1 second before the big bang occurred. 

 

Keen was greeted with an enthusiastic parade back at Vorticon VI.  All the scientists were there, as well as most of the government.  He got lots of awards, made lots of speeches, and well, had a good time.  A few hours later, he was back in the ship that was once his and he saw the Shikadi Master once again.

Thank you, Keen said. And by the way, all those medals: I’m giving them to you.

No I can’t possibly accept them

Why not?  It was your helping hand that got me those medals.

Yes but the other Shikadi will see them, and they will report me to Mortimer McMire!

Well, okay, But I’ll be keeping them in one room in my workshop then.  And guess what?  My workshop has a shield that prevents you from teleporting into it but I can let you.  Just let me take your individual energy pattern and the Computer can figure it out.  You can see your awards anytime you like.

Gee.  I never thought of that.  Thanks!

Wait a minute, let me ask you something.  Why did you call Mortimer Mortimer instead of Gannalech?

That’s because his title is Gannalech, but his name’s Mortimer.

Oh, I see.

 

And as for Mortimer, he was furious that someone ruined his plans.  In fact, he basically gone crazy.  He was very violent and kept saying No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! and lots of other bad words so the Shikadi locked him in a room until they gave him a prescription, which cured him.  That was about 3 weeks after his plan was foiled.

Keen found a note on his backyard one Morning from Mortimer McMire, about 4 weeks after the destruction was avoided.  It said:

 

Dear Billy,

You actually foiled my d@#& stupid plan of destroying the Universe!  I can’t believe it that you, Mr. 314, are capable of that.  Well, I’ll tell you this: You’re not going to foil any other one of my plans!  I’m gonna see to that!

 

You averted being tagged for now but not for long,

Your old friend yet Nemesis,

Mortimer McMire

 

THE END

(FOR NOW)