Commander Keen In:
Mortimer’s Mayhem

By Adam




                A reasonably short time ago, in a galaxy that is actually our own, a race of aliens known as the Shikadi were contacted by the nine year old terrorist, Mortimer McMire.  Mortimer told the Shikadi that if they helped eliminate the inferior Milky Way galaxy, then they could help recreate it and get really high government positions.  The plot was foiled by eight year old kid genius, Billy Blaze.

                The Shikadi were put behind bars, and Mortimer seemed to disappear, leaving behind a letter written in a strange language.  Upon deciphering the letter, Billy learned that Mortimer was planning on destroying the universe.

                Billy ran to his fancy computer system that was placed in his clubhouse.  Using unbelievably high-tech machinery he scanned all of outer space in a mere five seconds.  Mortimer had on a cloaking device.  Half a minute later, Billy had locked onto Mortimer’s heat signature, and found that Mortimer was flying to the galaxy of Croncho.  That was too easy.  Mortimer must have had another plan, but what?

                Meanwhile, Mortimer chuckled to himself as he flew toward Croncho at faster than light speed.  He contacted the Shikadi on his cordless phone.

                “Yes, Lord Gannalech?”came the answer from the other side of the universe.

                “Is everyone out?”asked Mortimer.

                “Yes,” replied the dark voice.”However, the police have the building surrounded.  Requesting permission to use The Phaser.

                “Permission granted,”said Mortimer.”Once you have escpaped, report to Croncho emmediately.

                “Right.  Phaser beam armed.”There was a pause, then he continued rather loudly.”FIRE!!!”

                The whole planet of Korath III shook.  All of the inhabitants heard a whistle that went across the planet and came right back.  Then there was nothing but silence.


Chapter One: Elimination Of All


                So this was the distraction Mortimer had thrown together.  What could have done this?

                Commander Keen was surveying the wreckage that surrounded him.  Every single structure on Korath III had one thing in common:  they had fallen.

                Nothing he knew of could have caused this.  A bomb couldn’t do this much, and it couldn’t neatly knock down the buildings on their sides.  It wasn’t the prettiest sight.  All of Korath III’s life weren’t in one piece.  They were just smeared all over the place.  What could have done this?

                Commander Keen’s wristwatch scanned the area for life.  Nothing within ten miles.

                Upon walking into the city, Commander Keen learned that the buildings had been neatly knocked down.  It was like an elaborate domino rally.

                The only remains of the inhabitants of Korath III were in the form of bloody smears across the planet’s surface, like when you squish a bug and scrape it on your shoe.

                Something else caught his eye.  A thick cloud of smoke by the prison.  He couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but he was pretty sure it was from a spacecraft of some sort taking off.

                He walked back to his Bean With Bacon Megarocket.  He was too late.  He had failed his mission.  He had failed before he had even started.  What if Mortimer did that again?  He could destroy Earth.  The galaxy.  The-  The universe.

                He rocketted back to Earth.  There was no time to spare.  He had to intelligently utilize every second he could.  Or was he overestimating Mortimer?  Did he really have all this in mind?  Then Commander Keen remembered what he had told himself.  No guesses.  No chances.  Just try everything.

                He watched out his window.  He watched as the fabric of both time and space ripped apart before him as he streaked through the universe faster than light.  It was an amazing effect.

                “This is how the universe will end,” thought Commander Keen.”Just like this.  Only more extreme.  And this time it wouldn’t happen to one person.  It would happen to everyone.  It would be so extreme that space and time would just rip in two, taking everyone with it.  Space and time would seperate.  Then what would happen?  I don’t know.”

                He stopped thinking this.  Mortimer wouldn’t have the ability to do this.  He is using his new weapon.  Isn’t he?  A bomb can’t take out the universe.  No matter how big it is.

                His ship landed in his backyard.  He rushed out to his clubhouse.  Before he left to Croncho, he would have to contact someone to protect Earth from Mortimer’s new weapon.  To be alert.  Then he knew just who.


Chapter Two: Mortimer and the Shikadi


                “It works astoundingly well, Lord Mortimer,” said the Shikadi Leader into the cordless phone.  Its voice was hollow.  It had no heart.  No soul.  Pure evil.

                “Excellent,”said Mortimer.”What planet should we claim next?”

                “There is a slight problem, though, Sir,”spoke the Shikadi.

                “And what might that be?”

                “Mr. Blaze.  He has spent less time than we thought he would on Korath III.  He has left a top CIA operative guarding the planet.”

                “CIA operative?  Is that all?  Perhaps I have overestimated this boy.”

                “Snake Logan, Sir.”

                “Oh.”Mortimer cursed under his breath.”You can take care of him, right?”

                “He destroyed Master Cain about six years ago, I think we should wait a while before continuing use with the phaser.  I believe our best course of action would be to arm the bomb.”

                “Then do so.  I’m docking with the Master Bomb’s Main Ship now.  I’ll be losing the signal for this phone.”

                The signal was lost, the Shikadi rocketted toward Croncho, and Mortimer walked toward the Master Bomb with a piece of paper containing the 92 digits involved in arming and disarming the bomb.


Chapter Three: The Defusion


                Commander Keen found himself once again bending the fabric of time and space until it no longer existed.  He rocketted through space in his Bean With Bacon Megarocket faster than light.  He thought about this.  He was breaking every single law of physics known to man.  Defying gravity, defying time, defying relative distances.

                He had learned of this amazing power from the Shikadi, who were the most intelligent creatures in the Universe.  Being energy beings, they were both invincible and unbelievably intelligent.  Their energy provided them with infinte amounts of intelligence and, since they were actually innaminate objects, they lived their whole life subconciously.  They were made of energy, not real life.

                All objects have thoughts, but they are subconcious.

                Commander Keen shook his head.  He was thinking too hard.  He had to stay on task.  He saw an amazingly large cluster of stars ahead of him.  A galaxy.  Chronco.  The cluster of stars was extremely large, and when you can see it appear from nowhere, from a tiny dot of light, do a complex jumble of tiny lights, then expanding into a cluster of stars light years across, with no humanly accesible end, you have truly lived life to its fullest extent.

                His mind was drifting again, but he had nothing better to do while flying through space.

                Another amazing thing happened.  He flew straight into this cluster of stars.  It was beautiful.  It was as if a field of yellow stars stretched out before him, and the field was dotted with red stars.  This was an amazing galaxy.  It would NOT be the base of Mortimer’s evil plans for long.

                He flew through a nebula, and the gases flew swirling around him.

                He got back on task and scanned the galaxy for any abnormaly large clusters of metal- which would be Mortimer’s Master Bomb.  He picked one up and locked the computer’s coordinates on it.

                Five minutes later Commander Keen was running down the corridors of Mortimer’s ship.  The ticking was driving him mad.  Mortimer had amplified the ticking of the Master Bomb through every possible object he could.  It echoed through the corridors and off metal objects, as if every single thing on the ship was attempting to haunt him.

                He spot the Master Bomb.  It was unguarded.  It was the size of a house.  It had a 92 digit combination.  He would have to hack into it.  He ran as fast as he could.  He heard the ticking.  He saw the numbers.  Was he too late?


5. . . 4. . . 3. . .


                He got to the Bomb.  It wasn’t the end.  He had time.  He jammed the cord of his laptop into the Master Bomb.  He didn’t care where.  He broke through the steel with unearthly strength.  The screen of his laptop buzzed to life.  It fed him millions of numbers in a fraction of a second.  The eerie light of the laptop reflected off his face.


2. . . 1. . .


                The computer wanted his input.  He gave it his input.  He typed in dozens of numbers, symbols, and letters.  He hit the enter key.  He had hacked in and saved the galaxy. 

                He looked at the clock on the Master Bomb.




                .  0.  He hadn’t done it.  The bomb was a dud. 

                Mortimer walked out from the other side of the bomb. 

                “We meet again, knucklehead,”he said, bringing back the memories of last year’s school days.

                “We sure do,”said Keen.”For the last time.  I’ve been waiting to confront you again.  Now is the time.  A final showdown.”

                “I’m afraid not, Commander Clown,”said Mortimer.”I’m the smartest being in the galaxy.  You don’t think I’m stupid enough to just walk up to you and say ‘hi’ without having a plan do you?”


                “I didn’t think so.  This, too, was a big distraction.  Don’t you get it?  The true bomb is well out of your reach.  It’s not even in this universe.  I am blowing up the entire dimension.  After that I will move on to other dimensions until all is destroyed.”

                “There are infinite dimensions.  You can’t destroy them all.”

                “Can’t I?”

                Then Mortimer flickered away.  He was a hologram. 

                The Universe was safe- this time.




                Humans miss the obvious.  It is our flaw.  Commander Keen had been missing something his whole life.  He now realized it.  He was looking down upon the entire universe.  Billions upon billions of stars, black holes, quasers, galaxies, and other things not even known of were spread out below him.

                Wars were fought, people died, and friendships were broken.  Things were a terrible mess.  But looking down from up here, it was impossible to think that there wasn’t any hope left.  And when the universe is spread out before you and you can’t think something, you can be sure it isn’t true. 

                He dove down.  Into his galaxy.  Into his solar system.  Into his planet’s atmosphere.  He landed his ship and went to bed.  It had been a long day.  He had now surely seen all there was to see.

                While lying in bed, he thought.  Could Mortimer really destroy all dimensions?  How could Mortimer make a bomb capable of destroying a dimension?

                How could Mortimer make a bomb capable of destroying a dimension?  Time has been around for all eternity.  That’s only logical.  It would take Mortimer all eternity to destroy something of infinite size, which would be the dimension.  Mortimer would have to be immortal to destroy the dimnension.  He would have had to be around all eternity.  But eternity and infinity don’t cancel each other out.  So. . .

                Not even Commander Keen could comprehend any farther.  If Mortimer was serious, then Young Billy Blaze would have no chance of stopping something which he can’t even think.

                The Universe is toast.

Special Thanks to:


Dopefish9 for the compliments and giving my story its first home on the web.


Arthur for starting the Keen Community (I think).  I never met him, but I’m thanking him anyways.


Tom Hall and John Romero are the cool people that put together most of Commander Keen.


Id Software for making Commander Keen, even if they have joined the Dark Side now.